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Gift Giving

As a child, were you given a gift and then ordered how to play with it? Were some of your possessions under someone else's control? Are some of your current possessions still not under your control?

L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his book, Child Dianetics*:

"When you give a child something, it's his. It's not still yours. Clothes, toys, quarters, what he has been given, must remain under his exclusive control.

"So he tears up his shirt, wrecks his bed, breaks his fire engine. It's none of your business.

"How would you like to have somebody give you a Christmas present and then tell you, day after day thereafter, what you are to do with it and even punish you if you failed to care for it the way the donor thinks? You'd wreck that donor and ruin that present. You know you would.

"The child wrecks your nerves when you do it to him. That's revenge. He cries. He pesters you. He breaks your things. He 'accidentally' spills his milk. And he wrecks the possession on purpose about which he is so often cautioned. Why?

"Because he is fighting for his own self-determinism, his own right to own and make his weight felt on his environment. This 'possession' is another channel by which he can be controlled. So he has to fight the possession and the controller."

"For example, you give your son a new bike and he leaves it out in the rain that night. If you say, "I'm taking away your bike because you can't take care of it," he makes the rest of your day miserable. If instead, you put your son in control of the bike, everyone has a happy day. "It's your bike, but you might want to dry it off and keep it in the garage at night so it doesn't get rusty. Do whatever you want."


*Dianetics: From the Greek dia (through) and noos (soul), thus "through the soul." Dianetics counseling finds incidents in the past to explain personal problems in the present. Based on the NY Times best-selling book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health (www.dianetics.org).

 

Giving Control to Adults

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